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Father Rights Canada / I was in an emotionally, toxic and physically abusive marriage

Friday, May 1, 2020 - Fathers - Not disclosed - Fathers Rights Canada

Please i want to be anonymous,



Hello All,

Please I need your honest advice on some issues regarding my Custody and Access Issues with my Ex. My main questions are below at the bottom of this background story.

I was in an emotionally, toxic and physically abusive marriage for almost 3yrs 11months and we have been separated for 2 years now and have 5 year old and 2 year old. Unfortunately I never reported her several abuses to the police because I truly loved her and didn’t want her to get a criminal record. I have spent over $22,000 to my current lawyer due to multiple emails back and forth between my lawyer and my ex and case conferences and my ex just wants to drag this divorce forever and legalize me into debt to ruin me financially and also wants a one-sided equalization from me (take everything) even though she already transferred her own property to her mother solely. Quite alright they jointly owned that property and lived there together before I married her, however she decided to remove her name from the property by transferring it to her mother fully 5 months before our separation as part of her evil plans in order to hide assets as later found out that she’s been planning this marriage breakup for almost a year. She moved back into that property with her mother and our children after our separation, during our 4 years of marriage I was paying all the rents for our matrimonial apartment. She’s lying on the court documents to make it look like she’s in financial hardship and has nothing and coming after me for everything I have and claims that the house doesn’t belong to her even though the document I pull from on land Ontario clearly shows her name.

I really want to be part of our children’s life; however she keeps pushing for sole custody and asking for 3 times more the child support that I should be paying her. From the date of separation I have always consistently paid her child support through E-transfer (I have all the records)According to the table amount and never missed any payment I have always insisted on joint legal custody and access visitation rights because I believe the children need both parents. We now live almost 6 hours apart by driving as I work in a different city; however I have no issues driving to see them every 3-4 weeks on the weekends. Every single time she always comes up with ridiculous demands, terms and conditions just to make my access very difficult despite all my efforts to move on with my life and focus on our children and ignore the distractions she creates. She’s even asking the courts to register lien on my name and estate to ensure that even if I ever remarry or have other children in future, that everything I own must go to her and our current children and my future family shouldn’t get a dime when I pass away which is my she was trying to brainwash and indirectly force me to do a vasectomy just few weeks to our separation as a form of her control over my life and future. She’s more interested Money and control rather than the welfare and future We have been on this back and forth in the courts for almost 2 years now and looking like it’s never going to end because we can’t agree on simple things on custody, access and child support.

Nowadays I feel that my ex has been able to successfully manipulate my female lawyer who now seems to be very sympathetic and empathetic towards my ex. Sometime I feel my lawyer is subtly making to concede a lot to my ex’s demands, even with all my compromise my ex keeps coming up with more unreasonable demands. This drama is mentally exhausting me and causing me a lot of emotional stress and making it difficult for me to move on in my career, my life or even to get into a new relationship as all these drama leaves me drained and mostly feeling down. I’m now on high blood pressure medication as a result of all these drama and want to remain alive for myself and be there for our children as they grow up. I feel my ex is trying to force me back into the toxic marriage with her or simply destroy my future so that I won’t be able to move on and remarry and have other children.



What is the worst case scenario for me if I decide to surrender sole custody to her and just push for access/visitation and walk away from equalization? I don’t want to keep incurring more debt,I would rather use the $22,000 I have given my lawyer to invest in my children’s life through a trust or RESP than a total stranger.

I just want to be officially divorced from her and move on with my life and by happy again and want my mental sanity.

My lawyer said we can’t get divorced yet unless we come to an agreement on custody and child support.

How would giving up sole custody to my Ex affect my financial future and that of my new future family if I decide to settle down and have another child again by marriage or common law relationship?

Would getting a male lawyer to represent me work in my favour? (My sincere apologies if this offends anyone, I’m not sexist and don’t intend to disrespect female lawyers)I just noticed that my manipulative ex has a way of getting female lawyers to sympathize with her and my future and that of my children is at stack here?



I would like to get a recommendation for very good male lawyers that can represent me in New market Court.



Contact Location: Ottawa Canada
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- Fathers Rights Canada
last update
Friday, May 1, 2020
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